One of those nights.

Ugh, it is one of those nights.  Everyone is sleeping and I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Well, I suppose that is an exaggeration, but man I'm upset.   Or maybe more accurately, confused.  I really struggle with my worth as a human being.  I have unmerited pride.  I think I can offer so much....but the father hasn't given me the opportunity.

To many, I have very little value.  To most, I don't even exist.  But to four beautiful, smart, loving, sharing, kind thoughtful, children ...... I am their world.  I am the best.  I couldn't be more lovely to them.  I couldn't be smarter or more accomplished.  They don't care that I have no degree.  They aren't embarrassed that I talk to myself.   At this moment, they sleep in peace knowing they are loved.

I'll admit that I have gone to bed many nights, not knowing love.  Not being able to trust.  Not knowing what tomorrow will bring or who it will bring.

My sincere prayer is that The Father will help me get past all of the hurt and broken promises by friends, church members and family.  That he will lift this burden of betrayal that paralyzes me.   And that I might be able to, with vigor and stamina, spend the rest of my days showing my amazing children that they are loved.

I want to be the mother that encourages and doesn't tear down.  I want to be the one that supports their grown up choices.  I want to encourage them to love their spouses.  And when they have days when they doubt their worth, when a loved one has hurt them, I want them to know that they can talk to me.

YHWH, help me to see their worth.