What were they thinking?

Last night I enjoyed Passover dinner with The Gathering Place, our local Sabbath fellowship.  It was a beautiful night.  Our congregation recently chose to lease a small room at an old bank building with a collection of different businesses. Our room is small but the landlord has been very gracious to let us use the beautiful lobby for our gatherings.  The lobby is set up like a park.  There are big windows so you feel like you are outside.  There are streetlights, park benches and a waterfall fountain.  It really makes for a soothing and comfortable environment.  It is a refreshing change from the dark, formal hall with stained glass windows and pew benches. 

Anyway, about a dozen of us sat around a large table, the sun had set but light still colored the sky.  The florescent overhead lights in the room had been turned off.  But the dimmer streetlamps were still lit.  The waterfall fountain had stopped flowing earlier and the dried tile with the chlorine buildup resembled the stones at the Wailing Wall.  Everyone pitched in to bring something for the meal and Larry made a cd with a collection of Passover appropriate music to be played in the background. 

Larry did a beautiful job officiating the message, meal and foot washing.  Even with newcomers in the group and a new location, things went very smoothly.  After the solemn service was over; no one really jumped right up to go.  Many stayed around the table discussing miscellanies topics.  One question that was raised was this; how could the disciples sit around the table, their last dinner with our savior and debate selfish topics like, which one of the 12 is the greatest? 

When our family, and hopefully when our congregation focuses on Passover, we reflect on the sacrificial Lamb that was slain, our savior Yeshua, the Messiah.  We focus on the suffering and anguish he went through just for us.  We reflect on our sin that lead to his suffering and we are humbled and thankful for his unmatchable gift so that we might live forever.  It is very personal, we know we all are sinners so that leads to a very reverent service.  However in Jesus day; they would have been reflecting on their escape from Egypt 1500 years before.  They were so separated from that experience that they may have been just going through the motions of "celebrating the Passover"  Or maybe they felt it was a more festive occasion.  I know nowadays Jews make the Seder "fun" for the children by hiding matza and throwing frogs around to symbolize the plagues.  Plus even though there was a lot of death involved, the exodus was a marvelous occasion!  It would be appropriate to have more festive activities and less serious talk.  This reminds me of Memorial Day in the United States, a day to honor those fallen for freedom has turned into a drunken debate on who will win the Indy 500. 

Yeshua took the observance to a different level.  He remembered very vividly the events at the original Passover; he grieved for all of his creation that died there.  He knew it was a foreshadow of what he would experience later.  He took the meal very seriously. 

I have heard that the 12 were young men; maybe they did not have much life experience.  I know when I was a zealous young believer I was much more happy go lucky than I am now.  I know I did not take life as seriously because of my immaturity.  I do not claim now to have much more maturity or life experience; but wow, what a difference a year or ten can make.  In the last ten years I have seen people hurt to the deepest parts of their souls.  I have seen the stories that I heard about when I was younger played out before my eyes.  I've seen believers blaspheme YHWH, I've seen pastors that know the truth, spread lies and I've seen fathers and mothers abandon their children.  I've seen woman walk into a hospital pregnant and excited and leave with a tiny coffin.  I've seen lovers love turn to hatred.  I've seen the best laid plans of men; crumble in front of their eyes.  My husband has seen all of this, plus an extra couple people dying every week.  I guarantee I take my faith and my observances much more seriously than I did 10 years ago.  The naivety and innocents is gone.  I know very well this world needs a hope for the future. 

So back to the 12; When they were around that table they may have been thinking shallow thoughts of their ancestors escaping Egyptian slavery.  Boy would they get a wakeup call after seeing everything unfold in the next week.  Although the bickering would continue with some of them, for sure any innocents and naivety would be gone after witnessing the death and then resurrection of their rabbi and best friend.

Treasure in the depths...

Hello, this is my attempt to type my 4th blog in a month; I have four unfinished thoughts waiting in my draft box.  I often think of things I just have to type, then I start a little and the motivation or focus is gone to complete them.  I've noticed that my focus for writing comes from being upset.  So strange, takes me forever to write if I'm not mad about something.  We will see if I get around to publishing this one. 

Today is preparation day for Sabbath.  The last few Sabbaths I have not done the deep cleaning I would normally do, I've been saving that for Sunday morning so the house will be spotless for our showings.  There is no bread to bake because it is the Feast of Unleavened Bread.  I have some store bought matza for the children, my husband and I are low carbing it throughout the season; however, we have made sure we have a little unleavened bread each day.  Today is "Good Friday" so Lily is off school; really I have very little to do today.  That is in huge contrast to all of the running and meetings my husband has planned for today. 

I am certainly at a place of new beginnings.  I can't help but daydream about the plans for the future.  One thing about Larry and me, we have been open to different opportunities for our future.  Many times we will have a few opportunities before us and will be excited about them all, but ultimately, God is the one that narrows down the options and makes things very clear to us.  He has in so many ways, more and more of those testimonies I told you about. 

So here we are; house on the market...but where will we go?  I need a job....but what will I choose.  Our Sabbath fellowship is starting with a blank slate... How will God use us?

I have kept a journal for years and I always have these types of questions.  It is interesting to go back months later and see how it all played out.  Often the thing I ask for now, I am thanking God for redirecting me later.

All of the Psalms are wonderful and wise but here is a good one for my current situation.  Psalm 20:5 A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out.

I feel like I have all of these options and opportunities in the depths of the ocean that is my soul.  Will I make the effort to seek YHWH and His understanding so that I can draw out the plans He has set before me?  I suppose the underwater scuba gear I would use to retrieve these treasures from beneath would be prayer, fasting, and reading scripture. 

I started this blog in search of a perfected Barbra.  I'm confident if I make the effort and use the right gear I will receive the perfection I seek.  Maybe not by the time I'm 35 but eventually.  I'm confident in this because I am confident in the God I serve and I trust wholly in His instruction. 

Thank you Master for letting Your Son shine a light into the depths of my soul, so that I might see the sparkle of the treasure hidden deep within and be able to draw it out to be used for Your glory. 


Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

My Ren 6-6-97 to 4-7-2011

My little Chihuahua died this evening.  He was hit by a car in the front of our house.  Larry and I picked him out almost 14 years ago.  It was just before the Taco Bell commercials with the Chihuahua ran.  My Ren was so popular because of those commercials.  He was a devoted and fierce creature.  I doted over him before I had children.  He slept under my armpit at night and we walked every day.  One day I took him on a 9 mile March of Dimes walk.  At the starting line there were police on horseback, he charged those horses.    He was fearless when he thought I was in danger and when he thought he was in danger, he would shake.  His whole body would quiver.  There were just a few people in my life that he would let hold him and relax

It has only been a couple of hours and I miss him, I miss him terribly.  I have such a hole in my heart right now.  I wasn't a very good owner.  He didn't always get fed on time.  After the children came he never got walks.   I just wasn't the type of person that could juggle dog and children.  He never received the same attention after Lily was born; but I think that is ok.  My children are to come first and animals are not to be treated human. 

I told Larry tonight that I think it was appropriate that he died now.  Ren represented a time, in mine and Larry's life, where we had few responsibilities; a time in life when things came really easy. I made reservations today for Larry and me to getaway for our 15th wedding anniversary.  The majority of the first 15 years, things came pretty easy.  Everything came easy; money, relationships, respect, parenting.  The way things are going recently, I think this next 15 is going to be tough; money, relationships, respect.....parenting, sigh.  We no longer have the desire for a puppy; we have become much too practical.  We have to be to keep things going through this barren season and puppies don't fit. 

Ren, I already miss you.  All of our little hearts are aching in you absence.  I don't believe I will see you again but I am thankful for the time I had.  You defined the Rice family for 14 years.  Eli always included you when people asked how many in the family. 

I mentioned the 9 mile walk before, well…Ren completed the March of Dimes walk. .  He walked with his legs moving so quickly the entire way.  He made it through the finish line and when he knew he was done; he collapsed and stayed still for a good 20mins.  That was an unusual amount of time to be still for him.  Nine miles would have to be about 100 in Chihuahua miles.  But he kept up beautifully.

He also kept up beautifully in the hectic race of life that is the Wild Rice Family.  He deserves his much needed rest.

 I'm hurting but I know this is all part of having a happy life.  Dogs come and go.  Thankfully, I do not have to feel the suffering of many others; the suffering of people that lose children, parents, and friends.  I could never imagine the pain they feel.  Thank you God that the pain that seems so big to me is so tiny on the scale of pain you have protected me from.  I love you Jesus, thank you for my life; help me to sleep tonight so that I can prepare for Your Sabbath. 

He gives and takes away.