Sunrise Sunset, quickly fly the years.
It felt good this morning to wake up before the sunrise. I think it sounds impressive to say that I was up before the sunrise, but if you are from Indiana you may not be impressed. The sun wasn’t up over the rooftops where I could see it until almost 9:00am. Still, it is good for me to be in the living room sipping my second cup of coffee before 9:00am. As I sat on my overstuffed couch, staring blankly out the window, I couldn't help but sing to myself...Sunrise, sunset, swiftly fly the years.
So many memories flood my head. We had to learn this song for forth grade music class. When the teacher told us to get out our music the whole class would roll their eyes and sigh. It wasn’t our favorite selection. This same teacher would occasionally pull out the Beastie Boys and let us sing and dance. We would much rather Fight for Our Right to Party than to sing this song we clearly did not understand. Years later in my early twenties, I watched Fiddler on the Roof for the first time. My Dad bought the DVD for Larry and me as an acknowledgment of our “Jewishness.” The movie made me cry and cry. The separation from father and daughter really pulled at my heart strings. Still, it ended up being one of my favorite musicals. Since then, my husband has taken me several times to see the stage play. We even had the blessing last year to catch Topol's farewell tour at the Chicago Theater. I was amazed to see this man at seventy-five singing and dancing. I sure didn’t seem to me like there had been too many sunsets since he had starred in the movie. He was on his farewell tour. This was the end of his life as Tevye. I’m sure that he was aware of the days that had gone by. I’m sure the thoughts running through his head when I saw him sing that song on the Chicago stage were worlds away from what he was thinking about when he first sang the song.
That is kinda like me. I no longer roll my eyes and sigh when I here the words of this song. I understand, I empathize, I realize that my days are quickly flying by. Before I know it I will be singing my last song.
I’ve been bothered for weeks to make my days count; to cherish the special times that I have with my amazing family. All of my children have the most beautiful big eyes, and they have big hearts to match. I cringe to think that in a blur it will be over.
One season following another, laden with happiness and tears...
The verse on my heart today:
So teach us to number our days that we may present to You a heart of wisdom
Psalm 90:12
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Hey There Lonley Girl
Oh, sigh. It never fails. No matter what time of day I choose to take my shower I am always met with the same thing. I spend 20 minutes scrubbing away the grime from the day before; the burning grease from the ground beef splattering in my face, the sticky film under my nails from washing dinner dishes and scrubbing the crust of oatmeal from the breakfast dishes; the nasty feeling on my arm after I have had my hand in a toilet. I can wash my hands, but I’m just not going to feel clean until I get a shower. Finally, I come out of the shower clean, refreshed, and ready to tackle less disgusting jobs like laundry or sweeping. Oh, but my two year old has other plans. He runs toward me proclaiming “poopy change!” It never fails! I am always greeted by a disgusting blow out after my shower. As a mommy the film of yuck is always present. I suppose that it is there to remind me that life, for now, is about them.
Yesterday was my Birthday. I had a good dose of “me” time. My children woke me up at 8:00am. They were dressed alike. They were standing by my bed holding a cookie sheet covered by cloth napkin. One of my blue Fiesta Ware dishes sat on top of the napkin. Next to the plate was a matching blue cloth napkin with a fork and spoon inside. On top of the plate sat a cinnamon roll we made together the night before. There was a cup of freshly brewed coffee and an orange peeled and fanned out on the plate. Now just so you know, my children are 11, 9, 7 and 2. They had no help with this. My husband left for work a couple hours before they presented me with this lovely breakfast.
It is true that I get spoiled from time to time. I’m still high from all of the thoughtful gestures and all of the hugs and kisses from my whole family. But, sadly, the feeling will pass, and I will soon feel unappreciated and lonely. How could I feel lonely? As a home schooling mother I’m at home with my children 24/7. It is hard to find uninterrupted alone time. When I use the restroom little faces peek around the door to ask me where their other sock went or if they can eat the extra chicken nugget. When I’m dressing my amused two year old gives me a good slap on my back side and yells, booty/bum, booty/bum; where that comes from, who knows?
I’m a pastor’s wife so I have many friends. Some from past churches, some from the church my husband is trying to get going. Many people have called me their best friend, including my current neighbor. My old neighbor called me the other day to tell me how much she misses us and how the new neighbor would never take our place. I have several Facebook friends that “like” a lot of what I do. My husband is caring, loving and attentive to my needs. Even forsaking his own. How could I be lonely?
I know the answer. I’m just too lazy and unconcerned to do anything about it. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll read it later. I just don’t have the brains for it right now. What is “It?” It is The Bible. The beautiful, wise word of my loving Lord and Savior. I seem to never have time for him. My mind wanders when I read the words of wisdom written just for me. I keep myself busied by the blessings he has given me, but I don’t take time for him. As I wallow in my lonely thoughts, angered by silly situations or events that have been forgotten by everyone else, I neglect the best friend I will ever have. A friendship desired by all of mankind. This friend, if we choose, will stick closer than a brother. He will fill the void in our hearts that will never be filled by computer relationships, neighbors, mothers, or even husbands. We should never feel all alone. He calls us friend!
I thank Jesus for being everything I need and being there for me at my loneliest. Still, he knows as humans it is hard to be comforted by the unseen. So, he gives us his community of believers. Likeminded, unified brothers and sisters that will be his hands and feet here on Earth. We are commanded to assemble together to feel uplifted and whole. I am so very thankful to have such a community.
Verse on my heart:
Not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
Hebrews 10:25
Yesterday was my Birthday. I had a good dose of “me” time. My children woke me up at 8:00am. They were dressed alike. They were standing by my bed holding a cookie sheet covered by cloth napkin. One of my blue Fiesta Ware dishes sat on top of the napkin. Next to the plate was a matching blue cloth napkin with a fork and spoon inside. On top of the plate sat a cinnamon roll we made together the night before. There was a cup of freshly brewed coffee and an orange peeled and fanned out on the plate. Now just so you know, my children are 11, 9, 7 and 2. They had no help with this. My husband left for work a couple hours before they presented me with this lovely breakfast.
It is true that I get spoiled from time to time. I’m still high from all of the thoughtful gestures and all of the hugs and kisses from my whole family. But, sadly, the feeling will pass, and I will soon feel unappreciated and lonely. How could I feel lonely? As a home schooling mother I’m at home with my children 24/7. It is hard to find uninterrupted alone time. When I use the restroom little faces peek around the door to ask me where their other sock went or if they can eat the extra chicken nugget. When I’m dressing my amused two year old gives me a good slap on my back side and yells, booty/bum, booty/bum; where that comes from, who knows?
I’m a pastor’s wife so I have many friends. Some from past churches, some from the church my husband is trying to get going. Many people have called me their best friend, including my current neighbor. My old neighbor called me the other day to tell me how much she misses us and how the new neighbor would never take our place. I have several Facebook friends that “like” a lot of what I do. My husband is caring, loving and attentive to my needs. Even forsaking his own. How could I be lonely?
I know the answer. I’m just too lazy and unconcerned to do anything about it. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll read it later. I just don’t have the brains for it right now. What is “It?” It is The Bible. The beautiful, wise word of my loving Lord and Savior. I seem to never have time for him. My mind wanders when I read the words of wisdom written just for me. I keep myself busied by the blessings he has given me, but I don’t take time for him. As I wallow in my lonely thoughts, angered by silly situations or events that have been forgotten by everyone else, I neglect the best friend I will ever have. A friendship desired by all of mankind. This friend, if we choose, will stick closer than a brother. He will fill the void in our hearts that will never be filled by computer relationships, neighbors, mothers, or even husbands. We should never feel all alone. He calls us friend!
I thank Jesus for being everything I need and being there for me at my loneliest. Still, he knows as humans it is hard to be comforted by the unseen. So, he gives us his community of believers. Likeminded, unified brothers and sisters that will be his hands and feet here on Earth. We are commanded to assemble together to feel uplifted and whole. I am so very thankful to have such a community.
Verse on my heart:
Not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
Hebrews 10:25
Monday, December 27, 2010
Pursuing the Dream
When I was a child of 8 years old I remembered a commercial on T.V. The commercial was promoting a local bank, and it interested me very much. I don’t remember what exactly was being depicted in the commercial. I just remember it followed people at different times in their life. There was the baby at 1 year, the kindergartner at five years, highschooler at sweet 16, the 25 year old wife, the grownup professional at 34, the grandparent at 50, the retiree at 64, and the couple in their golden years at 80.
I watched the commercial very intently imagining what my future would hold. The one person that stood out to me was the 34 year old. She was a tall professional woman. Her blond hair was pulled back into a tight up-due. She was beautiful, tall, smart, and organized. She really had her life in order. Of course I made all of these assumptions from a photo. I examined that woman every time the commercial played and thought to myself, “34 is the most beautiful time of life. I can’t wait to be 34.”
Fast forward 26 years; December 27, 2010..... I, Barbra Lavonne Flowers Rice, sit at an eight year old Compaq computer trying to steal away some quiet time on my 34th birthday. My brown uncombed hair is pulled back into a bun and covered with a bandana. I’m 5 ft tall and 20lbs over weight. My skin is blemished, and I haven’t even brushed my teeth. Oh, on top of that, I’m wearing leggings. Yuck! I am a mess!
My three oldest children are upstairs trying to entertain themselves. I have confined them there until I‘m “ready“ to let them back downstairs. My two year old is sitting in the front room watching Spongebob. He had to be separated from the others because he slammed a door on his older sisters hand. The kitchen counters are full of dirty dishes. Diane Rehm’s sweet, shaky voice is playing in the background. My bed is piled with unfolded clean laundry, and my laundry room is piled with dirty laundry. My three bathrooms have a dirty film of hair, soap residue, and toothpaste. My living room floor is covered with a village of Fisher Price Little People. There is a zoo under the piano, a farm under the coffee table, etc. My house is a mess.
I suppose what I want from this blog is to find that beautiful 34 year old woman of my dreams. I’m ready to clean up this mess.......but where to start? I guess that is what I need to work out in the next 364 days.
I'm scared. I need perfected.
Verse that has been on my heart:
But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18b
I watched the commercial very intently imagining what my future would hold. The one person that stood out to me was the 34 year old. She was a tall professional woman. Her blond hair was pulled back into a tight up-due. She was beautiful, tall, smart, and organized. She really had her life in order. Of course I made all of these assumptions from a photo. I examined that woman every time the commercial played and thought to myself, “34 is the most beautiful time of life. I can’t wait to be 34.”
Fast forward 26 years; December 27, 2010..... I, Barbra Lavonne Flowers Rice, sit at an eight year old Compaq computer trying to steal away some quiet time on my 34th birthday. My brown uncombed hair is pulled back into a bun and covered with a bandana. I’m 5 ft tall and 20lbs over weight. My skin is blemished, and I haven’t even brushed my teeth. Oh, on top of that, I’m wearing leggings. Yuck! I am a mess!
My three oldest children are upstairs trying to entertain themselves. I have confined them there until I‘m “ready“ to let them back downstairs. My two year old is sitting in the front room watching Spongebob. He had to be separated from the others because he slammed a door on his older sisters hand. The kitchen counters are full of dirty dishes. Diane Rehm’s sweet, shaky voice is playing in the background. My bed is piled with unfolded clean laundry, and my laundry room is piled with dirty laundry. My three bathrooms have a dirty film of hair, soap residue, and toothpaste. My living room floor is covered with a village of Fisher Price Little People. There is a zoo under the piano, a farm under the coffee table, etc. My house is a mess.
I suppose what I want from this blog is to find that beautiful 34 year old woman of my dreams. I’m ready to clean up this mess.......but where to start? I guess that is what I need to work out in the next 364 days.
I'm scared. I need perfected.
Verse that has been on my heart:
But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18b
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