The roller coaster that is life never ceases to amaze me.  I can go from blessings to heart ache faster than a fast car can go from 0 to 60MPH.  My house can go from company clean and organized to "where in the world am I going to put all of this crap?"  In an afternoon.  It is a wonder to me how things can come together and fall apart at the same time.  One thing for me that has been really hard to learn is that sometimes all that you have been working for needs to be destroyed to make way for the new.  Unfortunately,  you get all of this mess to deal with in the interim.  I have always had dreams of my hopes and plans building on top of each other. Like a Tetris game, every block fitting together.  I've always hoped that my past relationships would mesh perfectly with my current relationships.  I always imagined that my past experiences would complement perfectly my current situation, if not what was the point?

I suppose my thoughts go to the city of Jerusalem.  I've never been, but I hear it is beautiful.  I guess that if I did visit, the beauty wouldn't necessarily be the buildings and people that crowd the streets there presently. It would be  the ideal of what use to be there or the hope of what is to come.  If you think about it, the "nice" buildings that are there are not Biblical. They belong to the Catholics or the Muslims.  Davids and Jesus' Jerusalem lies in ruin beneath the pagan beauty that has been built upon it.  In the cities current state, would David see beauty there?  Would Jesus?


So many of us have a love for Jerusalem, and this should be.  The Bible says that those who love and support Israel will prosper.  We are to pray for peace there to speed Yeshua's coming.  But, are we so hung up on what is currently there that we would be devastated at the thought of it being destroyed.  Personally, in my own life, am I so in love with my current hopes and dreams that I would be devastated to see them destroyed?  Yes, I am.  It is a hard lesson to learn over and over.  To give your life and to work so hard toward a goal only to see it crumble before your eyes.

Is it really crumbling though?


So while I see some of my plans crumble, something that seems to happen frequently with me,  I also see things being built up.  It is confusing to be in the middle of this; yet it gives me hope.  This is a reoccurring lesson in my life that I see repeated over and over.  I'll often look at others and wonder why they are not constantly "starting over."   I resent this often because, since I was 12 years old,  I have longed for stability.  I have yet to find it in so many ways.  But in other ways, I have more than most.  Larry and I have been together for 19 years and YHWH has been with me always.  So there is my stability.  If anything would ever happen to Larry, I will always have my Father Yeshua.  And I look forward to reigning with Him in His beautifully restored city, Jerusalem!

Those who sow in tears; will reap in songs of joy!