Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God

Wow!  Can anyone read that line and not feel conviction?  There are so many outward things I do throughout the day.  "Good"  things to help me down the path toward righteousness.  I try really hard but the Proverbs 31 woman I aint.  I'm not up before the sun, my children are not clothed in fine linens, and I’ve not considered a field to buy.  I've considered a doughnut and bought it, but not a field.  But still I try, I have constant dialog with God throughout the day asking him to help me make good decisions and asking for his spirit to fill me so that I can be a shining example of his wonderful love. 

I seems to me that the more steps I take down the right path I feel like garbage.  I feel unworthy and selfish and all kinds of unholy things.  I get confused because I know I'm headed where he is leading but every time I take a few confident steps forward I get clotheslined by life issues and end up down in the dumps.  While I'm down there I think all kinds of things about what a bad person I am, what a worm am I.  When I am feeling wormy, it helps me to look at who I truly am, what my motives really are.  Are they for His glory or my glory?  Is there anything in me that needs to be dealt with, anything that others don't see...even Larry?  Things just I know about myself. 

I pray one day to see God in all of His glory with his angels.  I know this is a promise that he has given to me and whether I make the grade or not, it will happen.  But what is keeping me from seeing God now?  Maybe the desire I feel to be so close to him is hindered by my innermost thoughts and motives.  Maybe the ones I don't even know exist. 

I guess that is why the Psalmist wrote, search me God and know my heart.  Try me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there be any wickedness in me and lead me in your Everlasting Way. 

So I'm confident I have been shown the Everlasting Way.  I'm heading in the right direction.  The clothesline times are God trying me, and making me take time to examine my heart and motives.  Now I pray that you show yourself to me and that through me, your Glory may be revealed!

 Just a writers note...Matt is screaming in the background and Eli is pelting me with endless questions.  One day I will miss this.