My little Chihuahua died this evening. He was hit by a car in the front of our house. Larry and I picked him out almost 14 years ago. It was just before the Taco Bell commercials with the Chihuahua ran. My Ren was so popular because of those commercials. He was a devoted and fierce creature. I doted over him before I had children. He slept under my armpit at night and we walked every day. One day I took him on a 9 mile March of Dimes walk. At the starting line there were police on horseback, he charged those horses. He was fearless when he thought I was in danger and when he thought he was in danger, he would shake. His whole body would quiver. There were just a few people in my life that he would let hold him and relax
It has only been a couple of hours and I miss him, I miss him terribly. I have such a hole in my heart right now. I wasn't a very good owner. He didn't always get fed on time. After the children came he never got walks. I just wasn't the type of person that could juggle dog and children. He never received the same attention after Lily was born; but I think that is ok. My children are to come first and animals are not to be treated human.
I told Larry tonight that I think it was appropriate that he died now. Ren represented a time, in mine and Larry's life, where we had few responsibilities; a time in life when things came really easy. I made reservations today for Larry and me to getaway for our 15th wedding anniversary. The majority of the first 15 years, things came pretty easy. Everything came easy; money, relationships, respect, parenting. The way things are going recently, I think this next 15 is going to be tough; money, relationships, respect.....parenting, sigh. We no longer have the desire for a puppy; we have become much too practical. We have to be to keep things going through this barren season and puppies don't fit.
Ren, I already miss you. All of our little hearts are aching in you absence. I don't believe I will see you again but I am thankful for the time I had. You defined the Rice family for 14 years. Eli always included you when people asked how many in the family.
I mentioned the 9 mile walk before, well…Ren completed the March of Dimes walk. . He walked with his legs moving so quickly the entire way. He made it through the finish line and when he knew he was done; he collapsed and stayed still for a good 20mins. That was an unusual amount of time to be still for him. Nine miles would have to be about 100 in Chihuahua miles. But he kept up beautifully.
He also kept up beautifully in the hectic race of life that is the Wild Rice Family. He deserves his much needed rest.
I'm hurting but I know this is all part of having a happy life. Dogs come and go. Thankfully, I do not have to feel the suffering of many others; the suffering of people that lose children, parents, and friends. I could never imagine the pain they feel. Thank you God that the pain that seems so big to me is so tiny on the scale of pain you have protected me from. I love you Jesus, thank you for my life; help me to sleep tonight so that I can prepare for Your Sabbath.
He gives and takes away.
Remembering my Ren today. Sometimes I still think he is here. I think I need to let him out when I get home. We have chickens now. Funny how they make some of the same sounds Ren did. We keep thinking about the possibility of another dog, maybe someday.
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