You can't have it all...or can you?

There are so many things in this life I desire, extra money, clear skin, tons of energy, a spotless house, children that can teach themselves school, uncomplicated relationships.  Alas, it may never happen.  I may be forever stuck with the skin of a 13 year old.  I may never have a house that is always company clean. 

Sometimes I think I can sense when I will have unexpected visitors; like the other day.  The house wasn't in terrible shape and about a half an hour of focused cleaning would have had it in great shape...but I didn't have the energy to clean up that morning.  Instead I putzed around with my coffee, sorted through clothes and pushed aside dirty dishes.  I did manage to get the front room swept and straightened.  As a pastors wife, I always expect that I could get a visitor.  and I want to have a least one clean space to receive any unexpected guest.  I look to the example of pastors wives I have had in my adult years.  I could aways drop in on them and they would be available with an inviting house, a coke and an open afternoon.  Years ago I remember telling Larry that I wanted to be that woman.  I haven't managed to get there.  It seems like when I have unexpected guests, my house is a mess and I have no food in the house to offer them.  That is always embarrassing for me.  I don't know why.  I don't expect others, except past pastors wives, to have a clean home.  Actually, I feel really happy when they don't because I don't feel like the only mommy with a messy house.  Sometimes I'm flattered that they feel close enough to me to let me in when the house isn't quite perfect.  

Back to the other morning....I had my front room clean just in case.  I had let my children take a break from their school work and sent them outside on an amazing day.  I took advantage of the time alone and sat in my clean living room with a cup of coffee.  Half way through the cup my older son comes in and tells me that there is someone at the back door.  I'm thinking it is the UPS man.  When I got to the back door, there stood a little old lady with big sunglasses.  She was from our last church and her name slipped my mind.  She asked,  "you don't have time for me to visit, do you?"   I'm thinking...SHE WENT TO THE WRONG DOOR!   Now if I invite her in, she will have to climb a huge pile of laundry and pass the nasty dishes in the sink.  I'm also wondering if I have brushed my teeth.  I know my hair isn't combed, thank God for my covering.  

Oh well, I push my pride and laundry aside and help this fragile woman up my flimsy stairs.  I directed her into the clean living room and I was happy to be able to offer her a cup of coffee.  She admired my rocking chair and told me how beautiful my children were.  She told me how much she and her husband missed us and how the other church just wasn't the same.  Then she shared some of herself with me; things she likes to collect and even past hurts.  About an hour went by and she didn' t want to keep me any longer.  I walked her back out through the nasty kitchen, that could have been cleaned if I hadn't wasted time, through the pile of clothes and back down those flimsy steps.  We chatted a little more by her car and we said goodbye. 

You know, that woman didn't care that I only have 60.00 in the bank until Larry's next pay.  She wasn't disgusted by my pubescent skin.   She complemented me on my smart beautiful children, and she even said I had a nice home.  I know she appreciated that I took time just to sit and talk with her.....who needs energy when you have time to talk with a friend, a rocking chair and a cup of coffee.

Follow in His Ways and He will give you the desires of you heart.

Thoughts about The Gathering Place, an organic faith community.

A walk down the produce isle in the grocery store always gets me excited!  I love looking at the beautiful fresh fruits and veggies .  When I have extra money, I will snatch up lovely bunches of veggies, herbs and exotic fruit.  My children's faces will light up when the gentle mist of water showers the food.  I feel so healthy in that isle, I find my self with hopes of this dish, or that, containing the fresh  items, so I grab up my selection; just to toss them out rotten 3 weeks later.

Increasingly there seems to be a small section in most stores for organic produce, produce that hasn't been exposed to the pesticides and waxing and whatever.  That area is never as impressive as the many rows of sparkling, shining, produces that engulfs it.  The fruit, much of the time, is smaller.  Many times it is bruised and doesn't shine like the others;  and on top of that,  it is most often much more expensive.   Why would anyone pick up a piece of fruit from this small, unimpressive area of the produce isle?  

I would say that most people would not choose from that section. The organic section isn't in the obvious area and there is nothing there that catches your eye.  For that reason,  it is largely overlooked. The people that "buy into" the organic stuff are the curious or the informed.  

I see our little group in this light.  We are not the biggest or fanciest, some of us are bruised and we pay a great price to be able to gather together on His Sabbath.  The fact is, any Tom, Dick or Harry that is looking for a "church" is not going to choose us as the obviouse choice.  The people attracted to us are the curious or informed, the ones that know the harm caused by the toxins of bad Biblical interpretations and theologies that have been pumped into the majority of churches that line the streets of our communities.

Often, even the informed will not choose us.  We are too expensive, we don't fit their lifestyle budget.  It cost too much to turn down the invites of social and family get togethers.  It seems ok to choose the world for a couple Sabbaths.   But a couple Sabbaths turn into many and pretty soon,  they take the easy way of the mainstream church, a church that will fill their bellies and give the illusion of being healthy but really, it will cause a cancer to grow in them that is very hard to cure.

So my challenge is this,  to seek out the small, "unimpressive," organic fellowship in your area.  You may have to search in the less obvious places to find it; maybe a house or an office building.  You may have to take a long drive past many of those fancy, sparkling churches.  You may have to rearrange your work schedule or disappoint family and friends by turning down social invites with others that are not like minded.

This is the way toward not just staying alive but living abundantly.

I'm owning these grey hairs!!

I'm nearly 35.  I have four children that are not babies anymore.  I've been married for over 15 years.  I have three grey hairs.  I have a good brain.  I have life experience and some spiritual maturity.  I'm not an idiot or a child. Thank you for my grey...I've earned it! 

Proverbs 16:31

I hate cleaning bedrooms!

So this morning I've decided to blog while supervising a major clean out of the upstairs.  My children have their bedrooms and bathroom up there and I barely go up.  It is all I can do to keep the downstairs somewhat presentable and it just depresses me to head up there, so I avoid it.  I do however, need to go up about once a week or so to make sure it is a healthy and safe environment for my kiddos (I will admit that the environment up there can be questionable.)   So today I've decided will be the big purge, gotta get rid of some stuff to make it easy for them to clean and keep organized.  

It is a couple hours later and really, not a lot has been accomplished.  I did have a bit of a revelation though.  I have no business blogging and not being up there with them because I don't know how to delegate.  I think it is interesting that my husband thinks I'm pretty bossy but I don't have the slightest clue how to oversee projects.  I should be upstairs with Lily telling her how to sort and what to do, but the truth is...I do not know how to start and where to put anything so I end up making her try to figure it out.  Just do it Lily, get it cleaned...this is a mess...how did it get this way?  

As a child I had very little direction.  I remember spending hours in my room "cleaning it."  Really, all I did was shuffle things back and forth.  Great way to spend a summer afternoon :( I didn't know what to do with it the stuff.  It didn't come naturally to me how to organize or prioritize so that I could accomplish anything.  This trait has definitely spilled into my adulthood and I'm afraid it is rubbing off on my children.  

Half way through 34...I still feel like a child, stuck in my room, trying to figure out what to do with the mess that is life.  Honestly, the only way I know how to feel organized is to get rid of stuff.  I don't think that is such a bad trait.  There are so many things I hold onto as an adult, wanting to sort through...thinking it may serve a purpose one day.  Not just material things.  I also have things like memories of past hurt and nasty words that have been said to me.  I guess if I decided I want to hold on to that junk,  then I will have to find a place for it to go in my life.  So, if I choose to keep piling it on the surface, than the useful space underneath will never serve a good purpose. It is that way with my children's room.  If I keep that broken car or the ratty haired doll, it might cover up the pretty space that my children could have to play in. 

Ok, it is 2:35pm.  Larry will be home in 3 hours and I need to get this project done before he gets here.  I guess I need to get up there and give Lily some direction so that she isn't spending hours shuffling junk and so that she can learn some useful tools for the future.  Hopefully, she will be a step ahead of me when she is 34.  I do know though, that when she gets stuck as an adult, I will be there for her.  I'll come in and happily help her sort through stuff, just like I need to be doing now.  

This is my afternoon prayer:  Lord, when the temple was being built, you put your spirit into the workers and gave them supernatural abilities to build and carve and sculpt.  I ask now, that you give me a little bit of that.  I know you are the great architect and that you can give me the direction I lack to get my girls room clean.  Need focus and strength for the next couple hours.  Thank you, your servant...Barbra

Mati Boy

It must be a bad week because this is my 3rd post in just a few days.  Things are rough here so many unknowns.  I wish I could get just a little glimpse of what is to come, well I guess I don't want to know exactly, I just want know that there will be rest and peace soon for our family.  Jesus had nowhere to lay his head, why do I think I need to know when my moat will be filled in or when my realtor will call me back? 

On Sunday, father’s day, My Mati will be 3; such a sweet little guy.  The reason I am awake now is because I heard a little voice from his room that said, "Mommy, I need you."  I went into the room and he said, "kissy, huggy?"  What a sweetie!  What a blessing.

When I found out I was pregnant with him I was terrified.  We had no money and no insurance.  It was my fourth child and I didn’t know how my family would react to the fact that I was pregnant.  Larry and I have always been treated a tad irresponsible for having so many children.   Some friends of ours just had  another miscarriage after trying so many times to have a baby; I felt pretty guilty that it could happen to me by accident.  We kept our little secret for months; you can do that when you have a little chunk on you.  It was well into our fourth month before we started telling people about the baby.  I expected ridicule and everyone was really accepting, more so than when I had Wynnie. 

When I had Gwyneth, my third child, I struggled with a name, especially a boy’s name.  I think the night before we settled on the name Judah.  We were not super sold on it, but it was time to find a name and that would have to do.  I had ruled out Mathias because there was already a Matt in the family and I didn't know if he was done having children.  We almost named Eli, Mathias but obviously didn't.  I’d always wanted an Eli since I was a child.  So after I had Wynnie I took a trip to Cleveland to the family burial plot and the Patriarch of the family’s grave was there, the name on the stone was Mathias.  I was shocked, we all thought it was Matthew.  At that point I was for sure that if I ever had another boy that would be the name!

And so, four years later, I was pregnant.  Things seemed to be falling into place.  I was able to get on Medicare and get the same Dr. I had with Wynnie.  It was great I wasn't treated any differently than when I was insured and used his services.  We told our friends who miscarried first and they were very sweet and gracious, even happy for us.

So I guess it was going to happen and God was making it work.  The baby was coming.  The children knew and Eli told me that he would only be happy if the baby was a boy;  anyone that knows my Eli, knows that it wasn't a threat...just the truth.  Man did that put the pressure on.  So into the fifth month we had an ultra sound to see what the sex would be.  I didn't want to know with the other children but with a small house and 3 others, and Eli's possible depression over a girl, I wanted to be prepared as possible.  This ultra sound was different.  With the others I was there with Larry holding my hand.  With this one, we were all there, and I had tiny people holding my hand.   We were all anxious to know the sex of the baby and, of course, if it was healthy.  The technician looked down and said "I guess you guys are going to be evened out, 3 girls, 3 boys."  Yeah!  Eli won't be in despair and God has blessed us with another son.  Right away we knew that name would be Mathias, Mati for short.

I was getting use to the idea of being pregnant again.  My fears were going away.  It was becoming more obvious to me that this little guy was a blessing, something to celebrate and not another obstacle to deal with.  I became even clearer to me when I picked up a baby name book and saw that Mathias meant ,  given from God.  Could anything be more perfect?  

He was in fact given from God, as all of my children were.  He was given to us at a time of despair, at a time when we had been heavily persecuted for righteousness sake.  The birth of baby Mathias brought pure joy back into the Rice home.  There was no jealousy with my children, just delight. 

He is beautiful and perfect and an incredible joy to my heart daily.  

I thank God for the gift of Mathias Alan Rice.  I thank him for allowing me to do the mommy thing again later in life and for rewarding Larry for his faithfulness, with a perfect son.  

Every good and perfect gift comes from the father of lights above!  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! 

My cup runneth over..so does my moat!

I know this may not last long because the adversary has a way of getting me down; but for this evening, I am singing praises to YHWH for his faithfulness.  We had a great turnout for Sabbath fellowship and that is always encouraging.  All of my children looked so nice in their new clothes, I felt so happy.  We came home, had nachos and watched a movie.  Wynnie snuggled in my arms and Lily lay at the foot of the bed.  Man all I could think of was how pretty my girls are.  They are both beautiful.  Lily is growing into a gorgeous young lady and Wynnie couldn't be prettier. 

Right now, I don't care that I am dirt poor.  I have the most amazing family.  I have a hardworking, loving, handsome, devoted, strong, smart husband.  His only "flaw" is that he can be too nice.  I have smart, funny, healthy, obedient, beautiful children.  I get to stay home and watch them grow. 

We have been given the opportunity to help start a new faith congregation in Syracuse.  We are in a great location, neat building.  We have made friends with the baker and she gives us her leftovers.  Our landlord is great and our rent is cheap.  Wow!  What a blessing.

Like I said I am filled with joy.  A week ago I was in despair.  I sobbed as Everdry of Fort Wayne used a back hoe on my front yard; Digging up all of my hopes and dreams for a pretty yard this summer.   2 years of patch jobs and a 4 month delay to "get it right" caused us to have to take our house off the market.  But God connected us with a lender and now we are going to buy the home we newly renovated. 

It is funny how things turn out.  Last summer was to be the year of parties.  There was to be a house warming, a graduation party, and an ordination service.  None of that came to be; until this year.  Last weekend Larry was honored for his ordination in Michigan at a service he had no idea about.  This year we could have a housewarming but it would seem silly because we have lived in the house for a year, and Larry's graduation party?  Well, he wants to go back to school so maybe we will do it then. 

What God constantly reminds me of is that I am not in control.  I can plan all the parties I want but if what I am celebrating is not in Gods will, I am celebrating in vain.  I can plan how I will sell my house but if a contractor comes and digs up my yard, my plans are toast. 

I guess all that matters is that we keep going even through what seems like hardship.  You know, not many people feel sorry for me, and why should they?  I have a loving family, nice home, Larry is educated with a good job, and everyone is healthy and perfect.  There is nothing to feel sorry for here.  We are blessed....

There is this silly country hymn that I like. The verse says I am drinking from my saucer because my cup has over flowed. 

That is me....drinking from the saucer of abundant life in Yeshua.  I cannot thank or praise Him enough! 

nothing ='s everything

Why does it have to be so hard to be a believer?  Why do I have to have these convictions?  I feel like there are so few of us.  Life would be so much easier if I were like the majority of Christianity. Should I be selfish, looking to my own needs and wants before the needs and wants of my "savior?"  Sometimes I wish I was like one of them again.  I could work whenever I wanted and wear whatever I wanted.  I would still be considered a good believer.  If I left my kids with a sitter, went back to making 50,000 a year, worked nights and weekends, people would think we had everything all together. 

Do you know that 3 years ago someone who was living with a man that was not the father of her child, someone who drinks too much and acts like she is in high school told me she could help me get my life back together!?  Now at that time, I had 4 lovely children;  I had been living in a purchased home for 6 years;  My husband had one masters and was in school for his next.  I'm thinking to myself...What?  Why do I look so pathetic to you?  My husband had lost a job, that was very hurtful time, but he found an equal job pretty much right away.  What would have made me more acceptable?   Should I throw off the scarf I always wear on my head and pick up a cocktail?  Would that be a step in the "right" direction?  Should I send my children to school and focus again on my career, would that do?  Why isn't it ok just to be faithful?  Why does someone that doesn't look worldly come across as mislead and confused.  Why isn't it ok to choose poverty (I use that very loosely, I know I am nowhere near impoverished.) over indulgence? 

I had a non-religious Jew in my home the other day.  We had some really interesting conversation.  This woman had attended a Christian church and liked it very much.  Later in life when she asked her Rabbi why Jesus couldn't be the Messiah his response was this.  "The Messiah would never come as a carpenter."  Well why not?  What is so terrible about a servant king?  Could you imagine if Zacheaus said to Jesus, while he was eating with him,  "Jesus... we need to get your life in order.  I'll teach you how to lie and steal so that you don't have to have so many troubles."  How bazaar would that be?  How absolutely obscured?

Jesus intentionally came down from all of his glory and made himself of no reputation, just for us.  He made himself someone that, shallow and selfish, people would think needed worldly help.  There may have been times, when he was fighting with those arrogant Pharisees it may have occurred to him to get the upper hand in the argument by doing great wonders.  I don't think he resorted to fireworks because it would impress the wrong people.  Jesus didn't want people to follow him because they loved his abilities or his house or clothes or his famous friends.  He wanted people to follow him because they fell in love with his message, his witness, and his purpose.  If he did that with fancy things and spectacles they wouldn't love him for who he was. 

When Jesus came over 2000 years ago, he came as a lover, a peacemaker, a humble and lowly servant.  He set that example for us so that we would know where true happiness comes from.  Not in the pomp and circumstance of the proud, but in the foot washing humility of the servant. 

So I’m back to me and why things are so hard.  Well, things are so hard because as long as I’m living in this sinful world, I will not be able to live up to the world’s sinful standard.   And I guess until I get my glorified body I will struggle with feeling lowly.  I don’t mean to compare myself to Jesus.  He is my example and I am a sorry copy.  With that said, I have made myself nothing by the world’s standard to follow him.  Many days it feels really crappy.  That is why it is so important to fellowship on Sabbath with other believers. 

Make yourself nothing now so that you can have everything later.

Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.  Matthew 5:5

Synonyms for meek: humble, timid, submissive, gentle, docile, modest, compliant, mild, quiet, lowly, weak, fearful, tame.........Jesus.......Barbra?