Well, it is 4:30am, and the house is really quiet. I made sure I shut the door to our bedroom so that the sound of my typing wouldn’t wake anyone.

I was awakened by my little dog,and his long nails lighting tapping on the floor.   It is the faintest sound, but in the middle of the night, it might as well be a gong. I wake up with him almost every night.  If I let the tapping go I‘m sure to find a puddle in the morning. Sometimes I feel like I have a baby again.

It is no good that I am up this early. I used up my last bit of coffee yesterday so I don't know how I am going to function come 10:30am. Maybe I could scrounge up a dollar and take my kids to play a McDonalds. I have a friend I could call.  Maybe she could meet me there, and we could spend the morning sipping coffee and chatting about our woes.

I will likely sit there by myself, staring at the people. I'll watch the workers behind the counter franticly filling orders. I'll watch the older lady that wipes down the tables and straightens the ketchup and sugar. I'll watch the old man with his coffee and biscuit reading the paper. I'll wonder about him. Is he lonely? Does he go to McDonalds for company , to get away, or to get his fill of coffee so that he can have the strength at 11:30am to stop the two year old from shoving toilet paper in the toilet.

I just heard a yelp from the back room. Mom! My typing has woke someone up...maybe I should come back to this later and for now go watch some infomercials...

Well, it is a few days later and I was able to get together $2.00. Enough for coffee and cookies, one for each child. The children happily played with the others in the playground, mostly toddlers, any older ones would have been in school.

I was surprised at how packed the place was at 11:00am. There wasn't just one old man sipping his coffee.  There were 15.  You could tell they met there regularly. Some of them had their wives along. They all seemed happy, and it was a blessing to watch them laugh.

I took my Bible with me. I do that often, take my Bible thinking I will read it while the children play. But the fact is thatI never open it. I am way too interested in what everyone else is doing. It is impossible for me to tune out a crowd of people to read, or do anything. I secretly want to be part of their lives. I want to know how they live.  I want to know if they are married, or what job their husbands have. Surely, they would have to have pretty good jobs for all of the children to get a happy meal.

I feel so blessed that I have four beautiful and smart children. I feel doubly blessed, no matter the price, to be able to stay with them all day.

Sometimes I feel sad that our parents miss out on all of the amazing things they do. Amazing things like Mati trying so hard to eat with chopsticks, or Eli telling one of his incredibly creative stories. I guess I just need to come to the reality that even though I want the world to think my children are amazing and to see them grow, maybe God has given that just for me and Larry to cherish.

If I could save time in a bottle there would never be enough space to hoard all of the memorable moments, and I'm only a third of the way through my life.

I have many sorrows and regrets, but they are totally overshadowed by the snapshots of joy that define my family.

Oh, God.......... thanks.