My current location is right in the middle of the ocean that is Barbra's life. I jumped ship from the S.S. Flowers 16 years ago. It wasn't a luxury yacht by any means and not a vacation boat either. It was a work boat. All I did was work and sleep. I barely got by. I didn't get along very well with the other shipmates, and I felt it would be easier on my own. So, I took a flimsy lifeboat with a few provisions, and I jumped ship.
At first, it was nice. I was on my own. I made the schedule and didn't have to account to anyone. I had no unreasonable chores. Any work that needed to be done was accomplished and I directly benefited. This was the life! I was my own captain, but that didn't last long. When I jumped ship I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. I'd made arrangements with my best mate. We were going to meet up and sail the seas together.
I could see his small fishing boat on the horizon. He's chuggin towards me. I'm so excited! This is what I've always dreamed of doing! Sailing the sea of life with a capable, strong, loving man. I knew there would be rough seas ahead, but I didn’t care. I could do anything with his support. I was ready for anything...so I thought.
There he was, the strong captain of the Larry Rice Jr., His small hand, the same size as mine, stretched out over the edge of the boat and reached for me. His loving eyes and sweet smile greeted me saying, "I am ready for this...let's go!" I gladly left my dinghy behind and jumped aboard.
We spent a couple of carefree years on the small fishing boat. Then, later, added a couple shipmates. Together, we decided that with the responsibility to care for the new members, we needed another, larger, boat. We worked hard for this new boat. It was great. Just enough space for us all and then some. We named the new boat The Way, and it was working well; however, It was harder to maintain and the work was constant. There was very little downtime to relax and appreciate the vast surroundings. Still, it was worth it! The vessel was getting us to our goal of independence and freedom.
The one, quirky, and exasperating issue with this boat was, if the captain, or myself, made one wrong decision it had a tendency to capsize. Thankfully, it would correct itself, and we could hop back on and continue our journey. But, in the meantime, we would be thrown from our routine, and all of us would be left treading water in the middle of this unpredictable ocean.
The first few times were manageable. We had the strength and could endure the various times in the ocean. But after a while, the capsizing was more frequent, and the boat would take longer to correct itself. Our crew was getting bigger. It was pretty hard in those times treading water to stay afloat and make sure all of our shipmate's needs were met.
The captain and I did the best we could to give them instruction and we tried to encourage them to be able to stay above the water. As we helped them our time in the water would go by quickly and would leave us exhausted. It seemed like every time we capsized the ordeal would take a little piece of the captain and me. We didn't have the same vigor we used to, and it seemed that instead of being able to enjoy our time of "rest" on the boat. We were using that time to give us enough strength to manage the next time in salty, choppy waters.
I predict the capsizing will never stop. I just hope it will become less frequent as the captain and I learn to navigate the ship better. Eventually, our crew will want their own boat. I hope we will have done a good job preparing them for the journey.
Right now, as I sit on a barstool at the kitchen counter. I feel like every day I barely keep from drowning. I'm exhausted by life issues. The waves of responsibility, decisions, and relationships leave me constantly gasping for air. Larry, my captain, is still the willing and loving man he always has been but his eyes are tired. Instead of saying, "I'm ready" they say, "now what?" Instead of saying "let's go!" it is more like "I suppose we had better take care of this." He is a good captain though. We know many who have abandoned ship. Not him, he has committed to The way and its crew.
I thank you, Jesus. I know my life issues are mild compared to many. I know that I'm not dealing with any more than most people. I thank you that you are there for me, and the few times I have thought to call on Your Name you have come through amazingly. You have put my family in an incredible position. You have given us so much. You have never let us drown. Even when we stop kicking our feet or moving our arms, you have a rope constantly tethered to the ship. If we remember, all we have to do it grab on for dear life and find the rest we need in cruel waters. I love you and I feel so very blessed. Help me to remember all you have given me and help me to not be distracted by the storms of life.
Verse on my heart:
Matthew 14:31
Immediately
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