When I was a child of 8 years old I remembered a commercial on T.V. The commercial was promoting a local bank, and it interested me very much. I don’t remember what exactly was being depicted in the commercial. I just remember it followed people at different times in their life. There was the baby at 1 year, the kindergartner at five years, highschooler at sweet 16, the 25 year old wife, the grownup professional at 34, the grandparent at 50, the retiree at 64, and the couple in their golden years at 80.
I watched the commercial very intently imagining what my future would hold. The one person that stood out to me was the 34 year old. She was a tall professional woman. Her blond hair was pulled back into a tight up-due. She was beautiful, tall, smart, and organized. She really had her life in order. Of course I made all of these assumptions from a photo. I examined that woman every time the commercial played and thought to myself, “34 is the most beautiful time of life. I can’t wait to be 34.”
Fast forward 26 years; December 27, 2010..... I, Barbra Lavonne Flowers Rice, sit at an eight year old Compaq computer trying to steal away some quiet time on my 34th birthday. My brown uncombed hair is pulled back into a bun and covered with a bandana. I’m 5 ft tall and 20lbs over weight. My skin is blemished, and I haven’t even brushed my teeth. Oh, on top of that, I’m wearing leggings. Yuck! I am a mess!
My three oldest children are upstairs trying to entertain themselves. I have confined them there until I‘m “ready“ to let them back downstairs. My two year old is sitting in the front room watching Spongebob. He had to be separated from the others because he slammed a door on his older sisters hand. The kitchen counters are full of dirty dishes. Diane Rehm’s sweet, shaky voice is playing in the background. My bed is piled with unfolded clean laundry, and my laundry room is piled with dirty laundry. My three bathrooms have a dirty film of hair, soap residue, and toothpaste. My living room floor is covered with a village of Fisher Price Little People. There is a zoo under the piano, a farm under the coffee table, etc. My house is a mess.
I suppose what I want from this blog is to find that beautiful 34 year old woman of my dreams. I’m ready to clean up this mess.......but where to start? I guess that is what I need to work out in the next 364 days.
I'm scared. I need perfected.
Verse that has been on my heart:
But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18b
Welcome to the cathartic world of blogging. Thanks for sharing...and keep writing! This is so poignant. I am stirred to emotion by your words and can relate in many ways. We have much in common. I look forward to getting to know you on a deeper level through this blog. Already I feel like I know you better from this one entry. I feel blessed and privileged to be your friend. There is something very special and gifted about you. May your life be full of shalom in 2011 and beyond, and may you say a year from now, "34? It was a VERY good year."
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