I hate cleaning bedrooms!

So this morning I've decided to blog while supervising a major clean out of the upstairs.  My children have their bedrooms and bathroom up there and I barely go up.  It is all I can do to keep the downstairs somewhat presentable and it just depresses me to head up there, so I avoid it.  I do however, need to go up about once a week or so to make sure it is a healthy and safe environment for my kiddos (I will admit that the environment up there can be questionable.)   So today I've decided will be the big purge, gotta get rid of some stuff to make it easy for them to clean and keep organized.  

It is a couple hours later and really, not a lot has been accomplished.  I did have a bit of a revelation though.  I have no business blogging and not being up there with them because I don't know how to delegate.  I think it is interesting that my husband thinks I'm pretty bossy but I don't have the slightest clue how to oversee projects.  I should be upstairs with Lily telling her how to sort and what to do, but the truth is...I do not know how to start and where to put anything so I end up making her try to figure it out.  Just do it Lily, get it cleaned...this is a mess...how did it get this way?  

As a child I had very little direction.  I remember spending hours in my room "cleaning it."  Really, all I did was shuffle things back and forth.  Great way to spend a summer afternoon :( I didn't know what to do with it the stuff.  It didn't come naturally to me how to organize or prioritize so that I could accomplish anything.  This trait has definitely spilled into my adulthood and I'm afraid it is rubbing off on my children.  

Half way through 34...I still feel like a child, stuck in my room, trying to figure out what to do with the mess that is life.  Honestly, the only way I know how to feel organized is to get rid of stuff.  I don't think that is such a bad trait.  There are so many things I hold onto as an adult, wanting to sort through...thinking it may serve a purpose one day.  Not just material things.  I also have things like memories of past hurt and nasty words that have been said to me.  I guess if I decided I want to hold on to that junk,  then I will have to find a place for it to go in my life.  So, if I choose to keep piling it on the surface, than the useful space underneath will never serve a good purpose. It is that way with my children's room.  If I keep that broken car or the ratty haired doll, it might cover up the pretty space that my children could have to play in. 

Ok, it is 2:35pm.  Larry will be home in 3 hours and I need to get this project done before he gets here.  I guess I need to get up there and give Lily some direction so that she isn't spending hours shuffling junk and so that she can learn some useful tools for the future.  Hopefully, she will be a step ahead of me when she is 34.  I do know though, that when she gets stuck as an adult, I will be there for her.  I'll come in and happily help her sort through stuff, just like I need to be doing now.  

This is my afternoon prayer:  Lord, when the temple was being built, you put your spirit into the workers and gave them supernatural abilities to build and carve and sculpt.  I ask now, that you give me a little bit of that.  I know you are the great architect and that you can give me the direction I lack to get my girls room clean.  Need focus and strength for the next couple hours.  Thank you, your servant...Barbra

Mati Boy

It must be a bad week because this is my 3rd post in just a few days.  Things are rough here so many unknowns.  I wish I could get just a little glimpse of what is to come, well I guess I don't want to know exactly, I just want know that there will be rest and peace soon for our family.  Jesus had nowhere to lay his head, why do I think I need to know when my moat will be filled in or when my realtor will call me back? 

On Sunday, father’s day, My Mati will be 3; such a sweet little guy.  The reason I am awake now is because I heard a little voice from his room that said, "Mommy, I need you."  I went into the room and he said, "kissy, huggy?"  What a sweetie!  What a blessing.

When I found out I was pregnant with him I was terrified.  We had no money and no insurance.  It was my fourth child and I didn’t know how my family would react to the fact that I was pregnant.  Larry and I have always been treated a tad irresponsible for having so many children.   Some friends of ours just had  another miscarriage after trying so many times to have a baby; I felt pretty guilty that it could happen to me by accident.  We kept our little secret for months; you can do that when you have a little chunk on you.  It was well into our fourth month before we started telling people about the baby.  I expected ridicule and everyone was really accepting, more so than when I had Wynnie. 

When I had Gwyneth, my third child, I struggled with a name, especially a boy’s name.  I think the night before we settled on the name Judah.  We were not super sold on it, but it was time to find a name and that would have to do.  I had ruled out Mathias because there was already a Matt in the family and I didn't know if he was done having children.  We almost named Eli, Mathias but obviously didn't.  I’d always wanted an Eli since I was a child.  So after I had Wynnie I took a trip to Cleveland to the family burial plot and the Patriarch of the family’s grave was there, the name on the stone was Mathias.  I was shocked, we all thought it was Matthew.  At that point I was for sure that if I ever had another boy that would be the name!

And so, four years later, I was pregnant.  Things seemed to be falling into place.  I was able to get on Medicare and get the same Dr. I had with Wynnie.  It was great I wasn't treated any differently than when I was insured and used his services.  We told our friends who miscarried first and they were very sweet and gracious, even happy for us.

So I guess it was going to happen and God was making it work.  The baby was coming.  The children knew and Eli told me that he would only be happy if the baby was a boy;  anyone that knows my Eli, knows that it wasn't a threat...just the truth.  Man did that put the pressure on.  So into the fifth month we had an ultra sound to see what the sex would be.  I didn't want to know with the other children but with a small house and 3 others, and Eli's possible depression over a girl, I wanted to be prepared as possible.  This ultra sound was different.  With the others I was there with Larry holding my hand.  With this one, we were all there, and I had tiny people holding my hand.   We were all anxious to know the sex of the baby and, of course, if it was healthy.  The technician looked down and said "I guess you guys are going to be evened out, 3 girls, 3 boys."  Yeah!  Eli won't be in despair and God has blessed us with another son.  Right away we knew that name would be Mathias, Mati for short.

I was getting use to the idea of being pregnant again.  My fears were going away.  It was becoming more obvious to me that this little guy was a blessing, something to celebrate and not another obstacle to deal with.  I became even clearer to me when I picked up a baby name book and saw that Mathias meant ,  given from God.  Could anything be more perfect?  

He was in fact given from God, as all of my children were.  He was given to us at a time of despair, at a time when we had been heavily persecuted for righteousness sake.  The birth of baby Mathias brought pure joy back into the Rice home.  There was no jealousy with my children, just delight. 

He is beautiful and perfect and an incredible joy to my heart daily.  

I thank God for the gift of Mathias Alan Rice.  I thank him for allowing me to do the mommy thing again later in life and for rewarding Larry for his faithfulness, with a perfect son.  

Every good and perfect gift comes from the father of lights above!  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!